General War Robots WR Data and Analysis

Project Bathyscaphe: Prelude

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...

SCENE

(A quiet Saturday afternoon at Good Shepherd Church. Soft organ music piped in background. JAY is second in line for the confessional booths. ELDERLY WOMAN exits the booth. JAY enters.)

FR. MULCAHY

Welcome.

JAY

(Sitting down)

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been… three months since my last confession. Maybe four. 

FR. MULCAHY

Four, Jay?

JAY

Maybe twelve. Hi Father.

FR. MULCAHY

Good to see you again, Jay. What’s been weighing on your mind?

JAY

Uhh… where to begin? I’ve missed mass a few times.

FR. MULCAHY

*coughs*

JAY

I, uh, haven’t been coming to mass in awhile. I’ve probably been drinking a little too much. I’ve been angry with my kids….

FR. MULCAHY

Could those all be coming from the same place?

JAY

You know, I hadn’t really thought of it that way. But, maybe?

FR. MULCAHY

Anything that might be causing you to take your eyes off of your spiritual growth?

JAY

Yeah, I’ve taken on a lot again. Maybe too much. Great insight, Father. A lot to consider.

FR. MULCAHY

It’s not at all uncommon for stresses in life to get in the way. Sometimes taking a step back lets us better separate what is- and what isn’t- central to our lives.

JAY

Yeah, I think I need to do that.

FR. MULCAHY

Anything else to get off your chest while we’re here, Jay?

JAY

Uhh… you know, this might sound a little silly, but I also haven’t been kind to my neighbors.

FR. MULCAHY

In what way?

JAY

It’s around a video game, Father. I don’t think you’d understand exactly.

FR. MULCAHY

Why don’t you try me, Jay. Kindness is kindness, and unkindness is unkindness. It doesn’t matter where.

JAY

Well, okay, I hope this doesn’t sound silly. There’s this game I play that I’m really into. It’s called War Robots. And on my newest account, I’ve been playing with a tremendous power imbalance.

FR. MULCAHY

Power imbalance? Explain.

JAY

Yeah, I’m down in Private League, working my way up the ladder from the bottom. And I’ve got massively leveled gear. Like level 12 Zeuses on a Fury. Or max-level Orkans and a Thunder on a Lancelot. It’s…it’s not remotely fair.

FR. MULCAHY

“Level 12 Zeuses on a Fury”…?

JAY

Yeah.

FR. MULCAHY

Against?

JAY

Destriers. Cossacks. Golems. That sort of stuff.

FR. MULCAHY

“Destriers?”

JAY

Yeah. Like I said, it’s not really fair, they don’t stand a chance.

(Sound of confessional door slamming open, then heavy urgent footsteps. FR. MULCAHY opens the confessor’s door, grabs JAY by the neck and pulls him out onto the floor.)

FR. MULCAHY

YOU SEAL-CLUBBING SUNOVABITCH!

JAY

(choking, reaching up to push away FR. MULCAHY) F-father!!!??

FR. MULCAHY

It’s people like you that keep me from getting out of Silver!

(FR. MULCAHY continues strangling JAY)

JAY

(gasping) But…. but….

FR. MULCAHY

What’s the matter? MagGeps weren’t enough for you???

JAY

But… Father….

FR. MULCAHY

(straining) Why… can’t… you… just… play the game like everyone else???

JAY

(nearly blacking out) Father, it’s…it’s for SCIENCE!

(FR. MULCAHY releases Jay, who coughs and reaches for his throat, heaving breaths. A long pause.)

FR. MULCAHY

“For science?”

JAY

I swear to G… uhh… I swear it, Father.

FR. MULCAHY

(pauses)

Okay, I’m listening. And this better be good.

CURTAIN

2 comments on “Project Bathyscaphe: Prelude

  1. Love the M*A*S*H reference, LOL

    Like

  2. don dangerous

    Haha…. Nice one 🙂

    Like

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